You might be a zookeeper if you have the following cast of characters on staff:
Monkey---the monkey is always on your back, finding problems for you to solve without ever suggesting solutions. Monkeys consider it their job to find things you need to fix. They are very intelligent, but are often manipulative creatures.
Rat Pack---these rodents form cliques that spend more time in everyone else’s business than taking care of the work load. They ostracize your top performers, stir up trouble with those who don't join the pack, and wreak havoc with morale. They are the reason you can't keep good people.
Weasel---sneaky and manipulative. Weasels won't do their fair share, and always seem to be absent or busy when when STATS or babies need to be drawn.
Snake---worse than any weasel ever aspired to be. Snakes set you and their coworkers up for failure then rubs it in. Can never be trusted.
Turkey---These ground-dwellers were poorly trained and don’t really know why processes are done a certain way. They make bad decisions, take short-cuts, and compromise test results and patient care. Though they're good at fanning their tail feathers and looking attractive when they know they're being watched, they're most content when nothing is expected of them.
Queen Bee---considers herself above routine work and better than everyone else, even her supervisors. Her self-appointed authority is likely a smoke screen to cover a lack of skill. She will attack anyone with her stinging tongue if they insist on getting close enough to see what she is actually doing.
Bull---bulls bully your staff into submission, if not tears. They are overbearing and abusive to others, but are too smart to ever let managers catch them. They often cozy up to management so that if anyone ever reports them, you're convinced it can't be true.
Sloth---lazy, inept, and has contempt for standards. Sloths will do only what is required of them and will descend to the lowest level of activity that doesn't get them into trouble. Love to hang around turkeys.
Skunk---considers personal hygiene to be optional. Has chronic bad odors.
Donkey---these are your slow, methodical, stubborn, unmotivated employees who resist change. They are frequently heard saying "I’ve always done it that way and I’m not going to change,” “it’s worked all this time,” and “my specimens never get rejected, so why should I do things any differently.”
Zookeepers find it impossible to be team leaders. There's just too many animals in the house that prevent excellence, loyalty, professionalism, and respect from ever taking root. Without a thorough house-cleaning, the staff will always be dysfunctional and your department will never be more than mediocre.
Cleaning house requires the drawing of a line in the sand, and the proclamation of what behaviors will no longer be tolerated. You will be tested, so be prepared to fire one or more of these characters. The only way your staff will ever reach its potential is if you're able to convert or import two more species that no facility can have enough of: eagles and thoroughbreds.
But you have to clean house first. Eagles won't soar with turkeys and thoroughbreds won't run with donkeys.